A real pain in the...

So again it has been an age since I've posted.  This likely comes as no surprise if you've read my prior entries, but this time I have an excuse.  Really, I do...though full disclosure, it only applies to the last few days.  The remainder...well....squirrels.  Nonetheless, for those of you who have remained seated and glued to your PC for the last two weeks waiting for me to drop knowledge, I apologize.  And stop that.  Yes I'm flattered, but your family misses you. Your cat's litterbox needs cleaning.  And you need a shower.  Seriously.  I can smell you from here.

To help explain what happened I first need to share something about myself; I am a world class spaz. Toe stubbing, puddle stepping, involuntary head butting...you name it. Walking into poles, including ones with blinking neon signs atop them...child's play. My specialty, however, is tripping over nothing.  Not a sidewalk crack, an untied shoelace, or an oily spot. We're talking absolutely nothing.  And this is what occurred the other day, on a busy street corner inches from my home, to what I'm sure was the great amusement of the patrons of the restaurant whose front door I happened to be five feet in front of.  There was no alcohol or towering stilettos to blame (unbelievable, but true). I was completely sober and wearing flat, rubber soled "sensible" <gasp> shoes. 

So down I went, with the brunt of the damage going to my left knee, my right wrist, and the left side of my lip.  Don't ask.  Though I've never taken a formal physics class, I am fairly certain that this injury pattern defies all natural law.  Now after 41 years of master klutzmanship I have come to accept it, but still feel the same embarrassment that a person with normal motor function might after making a complete idiot out of themselves. Thus I abandoned my dinner plans, brushed myself off, and quickly scurried back into the safety of my home to assess the damage.  Where, before attending to my bleeding face, gimpy leg, and immobile possibly fractured wrist, I still had the wherewithal and presence of mind to order a pizza.  I won't even speculate on what that says about me.

I cannot tell you how many times during childhood I committed far worse Acts of Clumsiness, falling out of trees I should never have climbed, launching myself from swings, unholy bicycle wrecks, etc..., usually walking away with nary a scratch.  It dumbfounds me that a fall of approximately 3-4 feet, at a breakneck speed of approximately 3 mph, could cause so much damage.  I can only assume old age is to blame...but that is a whole other rant.

The good news is that none of my injuries appear to be life threatening.  My wrist, though excrutiating, appears to be ever-so-slightly improving and able to move a bit, signaling a sprain rather than a fracture.  This upswing despite that fact that my treatment plan consists of frozen yakisoba noodles (aka ghetto ice pack) and an old stretchy scarf (aka ghetto wrist brace).  Hey, I'm uninsured, don't judge.  Despite it's uber-sexy appearance, my lip is also healing...and with any luck will not leave me scarred for life with a scarlet-letter-like badge of spaztastic shame.  And I can walk fine...heck...now I will have scars on my left knee that match the ones on the right, a result of my last walking-related mishap. In the immortal words of Monty Python..."always look on the bright side of life".